Dear NICU Mom,
I was just watching (last week’s) American Idol when the finalists visited the Children’s hospital in Los Angeles. There was a scene when one of the contestants (Kree if you watch) sang a lullaby to a preemie. They said something about how nice it was to watch/help the bonding of the mom and baby through music. The NICU mom, choking back tears while her tiny baby held her finger with her whole little hand, said that it was so hard because she was afraid that they weren’t bonding because she couldn’t be with her baby 24/7. I don’t know what was said after that or what song Kree sang because I was too busy crying and holding and kissing my NICU baby.
My NICU baby is now 4 years old. We just went to our first “NICU Reunion” yesterday as a matter of fact. Last week, we celebrated “Yay Day” for the 4th year in a row. Yay Day was the day that my NICU baby came home, 3 months and 2 days after he was born. Short of the first few days while I was still admitted to the hospital, I spent the first 3 months of my very sick baby’s life saying good-bye to him every day. Sleeping in our home, with his crib waiting for him, but him not in it. Calling the (amazing) night nurses every night, in the middle of the night and hearing about how he was doing while I pumped milk to put into the freezer to wait for him until he was well enough to receive it.
For 10 weeks, he was on a ventilator and at first all I could do was put my finger in his tiny hand. In the beginning, just stroking him was too much stimulation as he fought so hard for his life. It was on his due date – 4 weeks after he was born – that I held him for the first time. (Thank you to two very special nurses who made that happen.) I sat, positioned very carefully because he was still on a vent, with an IV sticking out of his forehead, for almost an hour. I loved it and was scared to death at the same time. Half the time I watched him, half the time I watched the monitors making sure he didn’t desat in my arms.
I too was afraid that the bonding wasn’t happening. I had an older child who was healthy. I knew the difference. I was there at the hospital every day, but never long enough. Never feeling like enough. Knowing that at that time, I was incapable of giving my baby what he needed to survive. Feeling inadequate.
So watching this courageous NICU mom tonight moved me. I know I can’t tell her personally, but maybe one NICU mom will see this, maybe one current or former or even future NICU mom will see this and be comforted because the bonding IS HAPPENING. I promise. Your baby feels your love and grows stronger every day as a result of it.
Do you want to know what happened when I cried tonight? My NICU baby, now 4 years old, hugged me and kissed away my tears. Believe me when I say this – your baby feels the overflowing and abundant love you are giving. Stay strong Mama (or Daddy). You and your little miracle are in my heart, in my thoughts and prayers, every day.
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Source:
http://ourlifewiththeboy.wordpress.com/2013/04/30/dear-nicu-mom/